Ha, I Met a Phenomenal Lawyer Living Just Outside NYC

Can you imagine it? The reputation lawyers have of being so haughty, self-righteous and manipulative, I actually met a truly nice man who’s follow through in communication is absolutely EXCEPTIONAL.

We connected because I found out he might need my expertise and I emailed him about it. He emailed me back in less than 30 minutes to make attempts to determine if we should work together. We emailed back and forth 4-5 times over a 5 hour period and probably could have done more if I hadn’t been on the road traveling not accessing email. We scheduled a time to speak by phone the next day.

It was the “typical” short conversation that would always occur with the New Yorker. I can respect their need to just get to the point and move forward with next steps to get the results. After some discussion we decided I would need to chat with his wife to move forward and I could anticipate a call in the next couple days as she was traveling on business presently.

So I waited, and waited 8 days and then I decided I needed to touch base with my potential client. Again being the great leader and genuine person he is I got an email in less than 30 minutes and to top it off the man was in some other country. How many people do you know that follow through this quickly? Especially lawyers!  Plus the fact that he was traveling internationally on business. I was amazed by this and told him so immediately by email what a rarity it is to experience such immediate follow through.

Can you imagine how proficient  our world would be and the sense of respect we would have toward one another if we followed his example? It’s sad that this is of such shock to me because it’s a rarity I see today when it should be more the norm. And I’m writing it here for everybody to read so they know there is a wonderful, genuine person who happens to be a lawyer.  In NYC of all places. He sets “the example” of what should be done when communicating with others. I would imagine as a partner at his law firm and the community organizations he participates in, he is  warmly respected and shows an example of great leadership. It was so refreshing for me to experience this even if we choose not to work together based on why we connected in the first place. It restores my hope that there are wonderful people who care about setting the example of great leadership today and believe me we need it desperately.

Have you personally met people you would consider great leaders? Men or Women who are exceptional at follow through no matter who they are communicating with? Whether it’s the person who cleans their home or the client who might bring in hundreds of thousands of dollars to their company? I did and I’m blessed!

Met One of the Nicest Men at a Toll Booth on the Mass Pike

Who would have thought? You just never know who you’re going to meet and when. We hear that all the time don’t we? Usually it’s regarding your knight in shining armor or your big business breakthrough that you’ve been waiting for. But if we look around and pause for a moment we’ll meet a stranger who is just a nice friendly person that lifts our spirit.

This man works at the toll booth on the Mass Pike just coming off I-84. I was traveling north coming from New York and I kept saying to myself this line is moving way too slow for 10:00 at night when there’s little to no traffic. I was thinking something was wrong with one of the car up ahead and maybe I should be moving over into another lane, but traffic was moving along quickly in all the other lanes so I couldn’t without risking an accident.

As I arrive at the booth to give the man my money and ask for a receipt and here’s this enthusiastic man striking up a conversation with me. Could have been perceived as flirting, but you could sense he does this with every person coming to his booth. He reminded me of Morrie, from Tuesday’s With Morrie. No person was a stranger and always a kind word to say. I drove away thinking what a blessing that man is to so many people. He made a deliberate choice to enjoy his time at work with his enthusiasm and encouragement he gives to others. It could be the other way around and he could be sulky, just reaching his hand out to take change, hardly saying a word and moving onto the next car in line, but he doesn’t. Instead he greets people with a smile and a joyful hello, asking them how they are doing and where they are from,  making them feel they are significant to him. I had another 2 hours of driving to do before I reached my destination and I’m grateful that he made my trip that much brighter. May I take his example and be a brightness to people I encounter.

The Beauty of the Night

Wow, it’s rare that I am able to experience the sight of the land covered in snow in the middle of the night all pretty much by natural light. I hesitated to start writing about it now because I have to turn a light on in order to type effectively, but I want to write in the moment. I don’t know where you are tonight who might be reading this post, but I’m in a little town in the northeast.  The moon must be large and bright above all those clouds hitting the white blanket of snow I see because there aren’t many street lights in this little town to cause it be to so bright out. Just beautiful as you see everything covered in white. It’s still and peaceful. There’s an innocence about it that makes me want to go outside and walk around like a child with my head looking toward to sky at everything around me. Yet, in my adult mind I know it’s coooooold out there and the amount of clothes I would need to put on I say no I’ll just enjoy it from the various windows of the house. These are moments to appreciate. It’s like a pause God allows us to have to stop and appreciate the beauty He creates. Snow covered trees, roofs,  & fields. All you can see is white.  Just as there is beauty in a sunset or sunrise, there is beauty in the night as well.

If You Had a Terminal Illness Would You Tell People or Keep It to Yourself?

I’ve had an interesting couple of weeks. A close friend of my parents has just found out cancer has come back and chemotherapy will be necessary for life to be extended more than a few months. He’s chosen to go ahead with the treatment, but this has fostered a few discussions as we’ve talked about this.

I’ve had conversations with various different people usually one on one and the question was posed if you found out you were terminal would you keep it to yourself as much as possible or would you let family and friends know about it?

I got some great insight especially from a couple of close family members who are independent, self-sufficient men. They stated they wouldn’t want to let people know about it and one even said he probably would rather not know if for example it was me with a terminal illness.  They both felt strongly that by knowing about it – it caused a change in the relationship they wouldn’t like such as pity, or spending extra effort to wait on them and they didn’t want that.

I challenged them with a different thought that maybe it wasn’t about them per say when telling others, but allowing others to have a time to prepare for the time the loss would come. To say things they always wanted to say but never had. To enrich the relationship as much as possible before it’s too late. To allow relationships to be healed, any forgiveness that needed to take place to allow it to happen.

In the end I determined I could go either way depending on how I viewed my life at the time this would be occurring. I can say I am so very grateful that I try not to have any unfinished business with people I care about. I try my best to take the time to tell people how much I love, appreciate them and value the gift they are to me. Therefore if such an incident were to happen to me tomorrow I wouldn’t feel that I have any unfinished business to take care of in my life. Yes, there may be more people for me to reach, touch, help, love, and on and on the journey goes but I’ve been blessed to live a full life in the years I’ve been here and I’m grateful.

What are your thoughts on this?

How do you think most would respond?

How about yourself?

Have you witnessed such an experience in your life?

A Nice Older Gentleman I Met on a Bus Sends Me an Email Every Holiday

There are good people in the world. I have believed this the majority of my years thus far. It just seems that this decade of 40′s has proven to be a season of meeting people one after the other that are manipulative, greedy, and self-serving. But this man has touched my heart with his thoughtfulness and is such an example of what we need as human beings to connect with one another.

I was on my way back to from the west coast and flying into NYC for an ongoing assignment and I had to take a bus from the airport to Grand Central Station. As I sat in the seat near the aisle I greet the gentleman sitting beside me and strike up a conversation. We were in traffic for at least 45 minutes or more and the gentleman and I chatted the entire time. He was just coming back from a visit to London where he grew up. He’s a retired engineer from one of the BIG tech companies. His son has followed in his footsteps and is an engineer as well.  As interested as I was in him he asked me questions as well about the areas I worked in and why I was here in the NYC area.

Just before we arrived at Grand Central he requested a business card. He suggested that sometime we could meet again in the city for a cup of coffee or tea when schedules allow. That hasn’t happened yet and almost 4 years has passed, BUT something has happened. Because of the encouraging spirit that this man has I’ve been blessed to receive an email every holiday sending his best wishes. I don’t mean just Christmas, Hanukkah, or New Years. I mean EVERY holiday. Such as July 4th, Memorial Day, Easter, Thanksgiving, etc. You get the idea. And by the way his intention isn’t to receive anything from me, maybe appreciation, but  nothing else. He’s been happily married for many, many years and he treasures his wife, children and grandchildren. Yet he sends me this thoughtful email every holiday letting me know he’s thought of me on this day.

There’s no business proposition, trying to sell me anything,  just a genuine wish for happiness.  Maybe someday I’ll get together with him and have a cup of java after all these years and may not, but if nothing else he will be an example to me that there are good people in the world who just genuinely want to reach out to others and give them encouragement along the way. Priceless!!

Have you met people like this in your life? I want to hear your story and how it happened!

Research Says 40′s Have High Probability of Depression Around the Globe

Interesting study was released in 2008… http://www.scientificamerican.com/article.cfm?id=midlife-misery-is-there-happiness-after-the-40s&SID=mail&sc=emailfriend.

So what are we going to do to beat the odds?

I Verbally Slammed a Top COO for Lack of Leadership

I must say as the years have passed by I’ve realize how extremely fortunate I have been to be influenced by GREAT leaders in my life. I mean personal mentors that have invested in my growth personally and professionally to keep me accountable, not afraid to give me straight up answers when I’ve messed up or could improve. Of course in their great leadership they were able to do it in such a way that it wasn’t offending or condemning to me. I knew they were looking out for my best interest to help me move forward to be a better person that will impact people in a positive way. But as I’ve gotten to this stage of my life I’m coming to realize the majority of people have no clue what real leadership is. I see it all the time in every circle. If you read the book “Good to Great” by Jim Collins you’ll see in his  6 year study of corporate America that’s there’s only 11 companies that were considered “GREAT” companies. One of the 9 commonalities of these 11 companies was what he called “level 5 leadership”. The leaders of those companies didn’t have an “it’s all about me” mindset. They were willing to make the sacrifices when challenges occurred in the company instead of putting it on what some call “the small guy” in the company. Presently I know we’re paying a heavy price for this  lack of level 5 leadership with the economy we’re experiencing in the U.S. That’s another post to write and discuss. I agree with John Maxwell who states “everything rises and falls based on leadership.”

I receive a call from a man in the Washington DC area to meet with him and his partner who want to bring in my expertise to help the team become more refined, create consistency, and harmony because they are in crisis mode right now. There’s been upheaval and they are trying to put things back together.

Before I fly down there we have a few phone discussions and I can’t help but get some red flags immediately. First he had enough of an ego to think I should give him phone time on a major holiday that I would be spending with my family. No respect for time of the other person and just anticipating I would open my calendar for him. I gave in and set a time for 10 a.m.  to receive his call to see how things would flow. My phone didn’t ring and I continued enjoying family time on this day. My phone rang at 1 p.m. and he left a message. Ha, you really didn’t think I was going to answer that call did you? I waited until later that evening and sent him a message  giving him a specific time the next day that I would be available to speak with him. I asked him to confirm ahead of time if this would be suitable for his schedule. Never got a confirmation and he called an hour after the time I had set. My respect for this person is now about a 2. So a few days go by, we’re discussing contracts and it’s time for me to fly to Washington DC to meet with these two partners.

We’re sitting at a board room table and I do a lot of listening and taking notes while they share what’s really going on and their hope of how I can assist them. I respond with understanding and ask more questions to gain more depth of each issue they are confronting right now.

The next phase of the meeting, they are now in a place to hear my recommendations of  possible actions steps we can take to deal with these issues. I didn’t start there. I decided I need to hit this issue of leadership real hard because I thought this was a core issue of why they were in the mess they were in in the first place. So I pose this question, who has had the greatest influence on you as far as leadership personally and professionally? One of the partner went back to their childhood and didn’t name any in their adulthood, the other mentioned his father and a few people in business over the years. They didn’t bring any depth like this was something they truly considered on a regular basis. This COO has worked with major well-known companies and I’m thinking no wonder he’s gone from company to company for the past 5 years. After hearing their answers I thank them for sharing with me and then explained this was one of my greatest concerns in assisting them to rectify what has happened in their situation and move forward.

I said, “Your leadership is going to determine how fast and solid this company will grow and stay there. I’ll give you an example…

Let’s say you get a call from the top CEO of a company to work with a group of people to bring your expertise to get them out of crisis mode at their company? You entertain the idea you might be able to work with them. You know you definitely can bring your expertise to the table and offer productive solutions that will create the necessary change, the question is are they ready? You start to build a rapport with them by phone and notice this CEO isn’t following through with meeting by phone in a timely manner that’s been agreed upon. Actually he gives you the indication that your time doesn’t matter at all because he has the nerve to ask for your time on a major holiday and then never follows through with the call until 3 hours later. How do you perceive this person and how well they work in a team atmosphere. How are they treating their employees? Based on this behavior how do you see the company 5 years from now?”

Both of them looked at me in shock as they knew they had been slammed. The person who wasn’t responsible for speaking with me on the phone immediately apologized stating they weren’t aware of any of this occurring and attempted to take the blame. She understand why I would question their integrity and expressed that she didn’t tolerate such behavior herself. This was in no way her fault. My instinct said, she’s teachable, she’s ready and willing to be a part of a team to rectify things for the company.

The other person stated that he could give various reasons about why it didn’t occur but regardless it’s no excuse it shouldn’t have happened and he was sorry.

I proceeded to explain to them that I thought the area of leadership was something we seriously had to consider if I’m going to come on board and work with them in this time of need. I don’t need to play around and have everything sound good. It’s time to step up to the plate, take responsibility and make the changes necessary in this area in order to move forward.

As a day or two went by a contract was being negotiated and I still sensed that this person was not ready. I saw  way too much manipulation and smooth talking with no results that I knew I wouldn’t be effective. I had a signed contract in my hand and walked away. The more I see this in the world around me the more I cringe. It’s not about how it’s affecting me, but everybody involved. It’s ruining good core values people need to have to make a society GREAT!

Why do you think this is happening so much?

How do you handle this yourselves?

Share with me your wisdom please?

1 in 6 Girls By Age 20 Are Becoming Moms

I don’t know about you but this scares me. These young ladies don’t have a clue what they are doing and babies are raising babies. I just watched the Lifetime movie “The Pregnancy Pact” that’s based on true events about a group of girls at a Massachusetts high school who made a promise to each other that they would become pregnant. This wasn’t an event that occurred a long time ago. This just happened and continues to happen just in the last decade. See the public service announcement from actress Camryn Manheim here… http://www.mylifetime.com/movies/the-pregnancy-pact/previews/video/camryn-manheim-from-the-pregnancy-pact-on-teen-pregnancy.

Why do you think this is occurring? What can we do about it in our communities?

It saddens me where our youth are getting their identity. Whether it’s getting pregnant at 15 because it seems the cool thing to do at the time or going into a shooting rage and killing fellow students to feel like they are gaining some type of power and control for the present moment.

How does this make you feel when you read about this? Or seeing it in a documentary on tv? Do you think oh that doesn’t affect me, it’s not in my home town. Ha, we’re kidding ourselves if we think that! 1 in 6 girls, that’s right, this startling statistic affects every single one of us whether we want to accept it or not. Walk into your child’s school tomorrow for an assembly and picture all the girls all standing in a group together and then put them in groups of 6. For every 100 there’s 16 who will be a Mom by the time they are 20 yrs old.

Let me have your insight on this please?

A Former Wallstreet Investor Trying to Run a Company Serving Families

I go into Manhattan now and then to meet with clients and overall I’ve had good experiences. Today was a bit of an eye opener for me and my stress level went high enough that I wanted to take the man by the neck and throw him against a wall and walk away. By the way this man wasn’t a client, but I  could assist him in making a nice chunk of money with my expertise. Instead he blew it, I’ll never do business with him again, and I will have to hold my tongue at times when his company name comes up as I network with other companies nationally.

We’re sitting there discussing about how we can collaborate and he asks me a question I felt was inappropriate. I told him I didn’t feel this was relevant to what we were trying to accomplish. He comes back defensively to catch me off guard to see if I will give an answer and when I refused he changes the subject for a minute. (At that moment if I had just remembered the rule that they teach people who work in telemarketing my stress level wouldn’t have risen so high. You know they are taught to ask a question 3 times to try to get the person to give them the answer they want when selling a product or service. Remember he’s a former investment broker.) He continues to ask me the question in a roundabout way and I answer him without giving him the information he’s looking for. After the 3rd attempt to ask the question he sees that he’s pushed one of my buttons although I remained professional.  He then states to me that this is one of the questions he asks to see how people respond to a situation when they are put in an uncomfortable position. Well he definitely accomplished that, didn’t he? I calmly asked him, would you like for me to respond to that? He states, “No, not really”. Everything in me wanted to lash out at the man. Manipulation is one of the worst things anybody can do to me. It’s so deceptive and false, causing lack of trust. I kept my cool, completed the meeting and as I still fumed on my way home I got this revelation…

It’s not that often that I have to deal with such behavior. As I thought of the people I’ve worked with in NYC and the lifestyle they lead this forced me to imagine the battles they fight like this every single day. Day in and day out that it becomes second nature to them. They may not intentionally do it, but it occurs simply because they are encompassed by it all the time. I went from anger to sadness. It forced me to walk a mile in their shoes and be grateful I don’t have to deal with such a rat race all the time.  People having a mentality of “what’s in it for me?  or I want as much as I can get for as little as possible”. Sad, very sad!

Talk to me and share your thoughts and experiences?